the struggle is real

the struggle is real

It’s already November and honestly, I can’t wait for 2018 to be over. I know, I seem like a broken record, always talking about the same thing, but I can’t avoid it, and I hope my rants can help to any other creative soul fighting the same battle. In this age of fast internet and even faster trends in every aspect of life, in an age of Instagram, when everywhere around you can see other people living f̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ their best life, other artists being creative in ways you would want to, but you are just not getting there,  it is so easy to demotivate yourself and beat yourself down.

This whole year I felt overwhelmed like I never felt before, with everyday life, work, etc. My creativity, something that was always a big part of my identity,  seemed to be fleeting. I never had that feeling before and I must admit it scared a shit out of me. And somewhere along the way, I let go and stopped trying to find enough time for my soul to grow. It was so easy to do it, I didn’t even realize and it was already two months since I snapped any photos with my camera. You see, our new apartment has the most beautiful light early in the morning and the whole summer I wanted to do a photo shoot with it, but never got around to actually do it. I had a few ideas on my mind, but I would always find an excuse not to do it. I wasn’t lazy, I just was burned out.

Until yesterday actually. And let me tell you, getting up before 7 even if I didn’t feel like doing it and taking these product photos for my jewelry brand, playing around with the camera and later editing them, was the most fun I had in a while. The rush I get of creating, seeing my idea becoming reality, adrenaline, and serotonin pumping through my blood, almost feel like the long-forgotten magic of the first kiss. Because art, in every form, it is my first love. I think I might end up framing some of these so I don’t ever forget it again.

 

1st of July resolutions

1st of July resolutions

I have no idea how, but it is July already?! Is it just me or is the first half of the year has flown by and I feel like the questions where are you going to spend your New Year’s Eve are just around the corner? I wanted to do a quick photo blog post of my summer in the city so far, but I’m still not doing anything vaguely interesting, just everyday life, you know, work, work, some apartment hunting in between,  and then more work. I do get a short break now and then, especially when my sister and her husband came for a visit, so I did manage to drink a glass (or a two) of wine or a colorful cocktail, and to lay in the sun with a good book, but not as nearly as much as I want (or, let’s be honest, need) it.

Anyway, I just realized that I haven’t written my New Year’s resolutions, I have them stored in my head, but with years I realized that the only way I force myself to do anything is to either write it or tell it to as many people as possible so I want back out. That is a power of character at it’s finest, my friends.

So, let’s go with my 1st of July resolutions:

  1. Read at least two books a month. I used to read a lot, and when I say a lot, I really mean it. Reading got me through some of my lowest moments, and it keeps me sane and I know it boosts my creativity, however since I quit my job and started freelancing, I somehow read less then I used to. I guess since I work from home, I spend almost every waking hour at home working, and less time relaxing. Anything else makes me feel guilty for some reason.BFB92E20-54C3-4862-A094-69F76A344353.jpg That brings me to number
  2. Learn to chill, girl. Take a day or a two off, don’t answer any emails, don’t work or think about work. It sounds so stupid when I write this down, but I tend to stress a lot about work, even more now, since I don’t have a regular job, I guess I feel the pressure of being the best all the time, not struggling, both creatively and financially. I am aware that I’m not CEO of a big company, thank you, but I’m always my worst critic, and it has to stop.
  3. Learn something new every month. I recently went to a Photography class, it was actually history of photography and it was so good for my soul, both the class itself and meeting new people with the same interests, I don’t do it so often and it felt so good, although I love my friends, don’t get me wrong, none of them is an art nerd as I am. I started learning Chinese again and I took my sister to pottery course where we drank wine and made cute plates like these here.

    I’m also practicing modern calligraphy again, and I have a feeling that will be fun. Maybe I will share some of these here soon.

  4.  Write one post every week. Let’s face it, probably the only people still hanging around here are my friends and family, and I can’t say that with certainty, lol.  I did start this blog to force myself to be more open and honest and to leave my comfort zone, and that is why is important to write as often as I can.
  5. And last but not least, drink more water. Here is a reminder for both me and for you reading it, you know you’re not drinking enough.

So this is it, I hope you like this sort of a journal post, until next time, keep chasing sunsets.

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spring depression of some sort

spring depression of some sort

I don’t feel overly creative these days (again), perhaps because my brain is  (again) overwhelmed with ideas and projects that I want to realize, things I want to learn, daily work with clients (God bless them) and lack of time for myself (again)I guess that anyone who knows me, is likely to say that its not true, but I believe that every creative knows what I mean. It seems that all I do lately ends up with just another creative blockade, so I tried to break it a few days ago. 

I wanted to shoot some new jewelry for our brand, JewelryLanChe and decided to leave my comfort zone, and to try something that I don’t normally do (but my sister does, and she is really good at it) – self portraits

Let me tell you, taking photos of yourself that aren’t selfies, isn’t at all easy as it looks like. It was just before the rain and the wind was blowing so hard that my tripod fell down, along with the cameraI almost fell on the heels 3 times and twisted the ankle that I just recovered… That are the things you can’t see, but I guess that the final result isn’t that bad. It was fun for sure, and I will definitely try to do more of these in the future. What do you think?

not a self-help post, I promise…

not a self-help post, I promise…

Just a self love one, I guess. What a time to be alive, huh? It seems that now, even more than ever, were struggling to find the essence in everything we do. I know I am. And even so, we spend sooooo many hours a day on things that, lets be honest, arent relevant, not really. And every goal I achieve, I immediately replace with another one. Always seeking more, wanting more, setting the bar high, planing the next step, planing the future (although I am very well aware that it can not be planned).

Let me tell you, as a freelancer, I force my self to work ten times harder than I worked on a regular 95. And I am a workaholic, although I kind a hate that word, since it seems that is IN now. All that love what you do and you will never have to work a day in your life is such a bullshit, dont fool yourselfYou will have to, even more. I always feel like I have to prove something, mostly to myself. Creativity must flow. Money as well. Sincerely, I often work from 91 A.M. And most days, I love it (and hate myself for it, because I do know that work isnt everything, and it shouldnt be).

And then, then I burn out. It happens every few months, I feel drained. My brain has too many tabs open. I feel like I can t create anything else, like anything I ever created isnt worth it. Every creative knows the struggle. And this year, Im learning how to slow down, forcing myself to take a break from work, to leave the phone, not to answer on any messages and emails, not to post on 3 Instagram accounts I manage, not to take photos, not to tweet, turn the WiFi off, and read the book or take a walk, really talk with my friends, dance, not make an Insta story. And after a few days, Im back on track, batteries charged.

For Gods sake, we live in such a time that we need the apps to remind us to breathe, meditate and be mindful, you know we fucked up somethingI know that this is such a cliche, but I really think that I need to remind myself (and anyone reading, you know you need it too) from time to time, that I wont get a second chance on this life, and that most of us wont leave significant mark on the Earth after we leave, but that doesnt mean that we shouldnt enjoy the Sun.