I decided to write a post not to tell you to use this time to be productive or learn a new skill, to workout or read or DIY and redo your wardrobe, but just to try to stay sane. If I read yet another piece of advice on how to spend the time at home, I swear to God… This is not a normal time, we are, yet again, witnessing a big moment in history. And it is scary. And we do not all cope with it easily.
Some days I am paralyzed with fear and worry about the future, about my family and friends, my work as a freelancer, I worry about my brands, and how will corona virus affect the economy and world in the years to come, and some days I am happy and creative and optimistic. I read a book on my balcony and sunbath with my cat with a big glass of ice coffee. This month was an emotional rollercoaster and I just came to terms that it is normal.
How are you spending these days in quarantine? How are you feeling? What brings you joy? For me, it is a solitary walk I take on my way to the grocery store when I bring my camera with me and capture the spring on empty streets of Belgrade. Or a beautiful sunset or the most beautiful golden hour light in our apartment. Little things I do usually take for granted. Another cliche that turns out to be so true, I know. The hardest thing for me is being patient and waiting and I am still learning to let go of all the things I can’t change and just stay still until the storm passes. And then I will rebuild parts of my life if necessary. I guess the change is good, it helps you grow, although you might not be aware you need to.
It’s already November and honestly, I can’t wait for 2018 to be over. I know, I seem like a broken record, always talking about the same thing, but I can’t avoid it, and I hope my rants can help to any other creative soul fighting the same battle. In this age of fast internet and even faster trends in every aspect of life, in an age of Instagram, when everywhere around you can see other people living f̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ their best life, other artists being creative in ways you would want to, but you are just not getting there, it is so easy to demotivate yourself and beat yourself down.
This whole year I felt overwhelmed like I never felt before, with everyday life, work, etc. My creativity, something that was always a big part of my identity, seemed to be fleeting. I never had that feeling before and I must admit it scared a shit out of me. And somewhere along the way, I let go and stopped trying to find enough time for my soul to grow. It was so easy to do it, I didn’t even realize and it was already two months since I snapped any photos with my camera. You see, our new apartment has the most beautiful light early in the morning and the whole summer I wanted to do a photo shoot with it, but never got around to actually do it. I had a few ideas on my mind, but I would always find an excuse not to do it. I wasn’t lazy, I just was burned out.
Until yesterday actually. And let me tell you, getting up before 7 even if I didn’t feel like doing it and taking these product photos for my jewelry brand, playing around with the camera and later editing them, was the most fun I had in a while. The rush I get of creating, seeing my idea becoming reality, adrenaline, and serotonin pumping through my blood, almost feel like the long-forgotten magic of the first kiss. Because art, in every form, it is my first love. I think I might end up framing some of these so I don’t ever forget it again.
I have no idea how, but it is July already?! Is it just me or is the first half of the year has flown by and I feel like the questions where are you going to spend your New Year’s Eve are just around the corner? I wanted to do a quick photo blog post of my summer in the city so far, but I’m still not doing anything vaguely interesting, just everyday life, you know, work, work, some apartment hunting in between, and then more work. I do get a short break now and then, especially when my sister and her husband came for a visit, so I did manage to drink a glass (or a two) of wine or a colorful cocktail, and to lay in the sun with a good book, but not as nearly as much as I want (or, let’s be honest, need) it.
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Anyway, I just realized that I haven’t written my New Year’s resolutions, I have them stored in my head, but with years I realized that the only way I force myself to do anything is to either write it or tell it to as many people as possible so I want back out. That is a power of character at it’s finest, my friends.
So, let’s go with my 1st of July resolutions:
- Read at least two books a month. I used to read a lot, and when I say a lot, I really mean it. Reading got me through some of my lowest moments, and it keeps me sane and I know it boosts my creativity, however since I quit my job and started freelancing, I somehow read less then I used to. I guess since I work from home, I spend almost every waking hour at home working, and less time relaxing. Anything else makes me feel guilty for some reason. That brings me to number
- Learn to chill, girl. Take a day or a two off, don’t answer any emails, don’t work or think about work. It sounds so stupid when I write this down, but I tend to stress a lot about work, even more now, since I don’t have a regular job, I guess I feel the pressure of being the best all the time, not struggling, both creatively and financially. I am aware that I’m not CEO of a big company, thank you, but I’m always my worst critic, and it has to stop.
- Learn something new every month. I recently went to a Photography class, it was actually history of photography and it was so good for my soul, both the class itself and meeting new people with the same interests, I don’t do it so often and it felt so good, although I love my friends, don’t get me wrong, none of them is an art nerd as I am. I started learning Chinese again and I took my sister to pottery course where we drank wine and made cute plates like these here.
I’m also practicing modern calligraphy again, and I have a feeling that will be fun. Maybe I will share some of these here soon.
- Write one post every week. Let’s face it, probably the only people still hanging around here are my friends and family, and I can’t say that with certainty, lol. I did start this blog to force myself to be more open and honest and to leave my comfort zone, and that is why is important to write as often as I can.
- And last but not least, drink more water. Here is a reminder for both me and for you reading it, you know you’re not drinking enough.
So this is it, I hope you like this sort of a journal post, until next time, keep chasing sunsets.